Love-Hate Relationship

Changes. Some embrace them with open arms. Some dread them like the plague. Me? Let me first consider a few instances.

First of all, I am a person who is contented with eating the same food everyday for months. Fried rice and Coke. I don't especially love fried rice. It is the most convenient thing for me to order. No fuss over deciding what to eat, no worry about the food tasting terrible. Best thing is, you make the Fried Rice Uncle's day. I love the convenience of routine. Change the fried rice or the Coke, I'll sulk.

At work, however, I have a totally different perception towards change. I love change. I believe that change is essential for improvement. I have all these cranky, idealistic ideas that people think are far-fetched. But hey, that is why it is called "change", isn't it? Some of my ideas are stupid. I am aware. Somehow, I don't think a little creativity would hurt, would it? Honestly, I don't mind suffering a bit of discomfort if it can propel a change towards excellence. Idealist.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships, I am super sensitive. Blame it on my stars. I'm pisces. I could feel that something has changed, but it is almost impossible to notice any change in yourself. Is it me? Or is it our perceptions that have changed? Is it the environment? The company? Or perhaps, the lifespan of our friendship is only so short? The answer will probably fluctuate between the possibilities. This species of change is the most lethal and is something I would never adore. In fact, I detest such changes. Truth is, I can never have an interpersonal relationship with myself, thus I can never have control over such changes. All I can do is to have faith in my own judgment of people, in specific terms, my friends.

Sigh... change. I guess I love changes. Or do I now?

Obama vs McCain

It is one of those days. I feel like one of the many Americans voting for Obama, hoping that a change in management would improve our living conditions. Unfortunately, there is no election here. And, there is no Obama.

I am waiting and watching to see how different would the world be with a leader who is seemingly different from all the others. Afterall, his hands could be tied for all we know. I guess it is the same everywhere. Or perhaps I am just putting two totally unrelated issues together. Well, let me explain.

Everytime there is a change of leaders, there is a promise of improvements to the quality of life. Likewise, in my work environment, I am hoping for a change. Although I feel that all leaders at my work place are really the same underneath, a part of me still harbour some hopes of something different.

I guess I am disappointed in her. It is not fair, really. That I spend a few hours typing out that report that she asked for and all she really cared about is whether I have achieved my targets. It is not fair, really. That I listed all my contributions clearly to elaborate details, only to have her flip past the pages without casting a glance at the words crying out to be read. It is not fair, really. That she discredits all efforts that I painstaking took all for the good of my children and the honourable reputation of my profession that I am trying to uphold, with a mere "This is what we are supposed to do." It is not fair, really.

I am proud of what I have done. I am proud of what I have moulded them into. They are living evidence of my accomplishments. Think along the line of the current financial turmoil. Why did the market crash? It is all just a layer of glorious skin, covering all the filth. The insides are so badly decomposed that any intact flesh gets quickly infected with the virus. Any slight tear in the skin reveals all that is ugly and things start to fall apart.

What she should have done, is to remove the healthy flesh quickly, and try to engineer them genetically to produce a new being. Leave the rest to rot and get rid of it when it start to smell. Unfortunately, she is just John McCain.

The Good Women of China

I know this really isn't the time to indulge in blogging (Yes, I know I have heaps of work to do.), but reading this book (Yes, I took the time to read a book instead of doing my work) really... 'wow'ed me so much that I feel that I have to share this, with EVERYONE.

I first saw this book at Borders, and it didn't really catch my attention. The cover is plain white, with just a red circle and a Chinese character 'nu' (meaning female) written on it. Eric however, brought it to my attention that this book received good reviews, so I bought it (It was on offer anyway). It had been sitting on my shelf inconspicuously for several weeks, and each time I looked for a book to read, I would ignore it with ease.... until yesterday. I was looking for a short read (Obviously I know I am too busy to read something too lengthy, but I still need to read!) and my attention was brought to this thin, modest book.

The moment I opened this book to read its content, I know that I am in for a surprise. One can never imagine the anguish and horror of the characters found inside the book. It showed me a side of China that I have never known about. Aware that my father was in China during that period of time (The Cultural Revolution), I asked him about life back then in China. The tales I heard were shocking. I can't find the word for it. All I can say is, I was so 'wow'ed by it. (Ok, I am repeating, I know!)

Anyway, I should not reveal too much of what is written in the book. It is a good book, and I really read it cover to cover! From the Author's Note to the Acknowledgements...not a single word was missed. The point is, read it! If you can't find it, Borrow it! (If you recall, I do have the book)

Did I not state a reason for recommending this book? Urm, I guess it would be... Well, I never imagined myself to be EXTREMELY lucky until I read this book. It made me realised that I have so much! Education, love, family, a great job, a good government, and best of all, PEACE. Appreciate what you have!

Life is about moving forward.

I think I have changed as a person. It probably has got something to do with my experiences (schema). I guess that with each new experience, your perception of life changes. My perception of life has changed a numerous number of times, and at this point in my life, I feel that life is about moving on.

I mean, there is no point in harping on the past, is there? Although there is a tendency for humans to feel nostalgic and hold fond memories of the past, it really doesn't help with anything. Instead, it complicates things more than what it already is. If you think about it, whatever happened happened, and there really is no time machine that allows that to change. The only thing you can do is to soften the impact it has on your life. If you attempt to make things go back to the way it was before, chances are, you would mess it up.

Take for example, if you are sick, you cannot be un-sick. If you refuse to accept that fact and continue to harm your body the way you had been, you might die. In fact, the only thing you can do is to move on, get treatment, and get on with your life. Most people will blame heaven and earth for having that happen to them, but this is life! You are not the only one suffering! Look around you, and you will realise you are a lot better off than other people.

And there are the things that you had carelessly let go. If you had carelessly left your bird's cage open, what do you think are the chances that it will come back? I would say zero. The bond between you and the bird was over the moment you freed it, and there is absolutely no reason for it to come back. You can attempt to bring it back, but you know that you would only be wasting time and resources. The only thing you can do about it is to learn from your mistakes. Buy a new bird, and make sure you don't carelessly leave the cage door open again.

I guess the point I want to make is that we ought to let go of the past. Life would be so much more meaningful if we learn from our mistakes and move on. And guess what? It will make you a better person too!

Movie Freak

It's been a lazy Saturday, all I did was eat, sleep and watch movies. I think I am turning into some kind of couch potato. I can watch anything, and I really mean, ANYTHING, on televsion, at the movies, anywhere. "Dead or Alive" kick-started my movie marathon. It was just fighting, babes in bikinis, and more fighting. A bit like Xmen, I felt, complete with a tyrant with a really ambitious project. There wasn't really any accomodation involved, probably more of assimilation. Those who are familiar with Jean Piaget would know what I am talking about. This got me thinking about recent movies. Not many movies would require new schematas being created, and I think that is real sad.

I think the last time a movie created a new schema in my head was either "The Sixth Sense" or "The Others", and then the other followed. At that time I thought the concept of telling a story from the point of view of a ghost was really refreshing and ingenious. Now if something else comes along using this concept, I would probably yawn and fall asleep.

I also watched a DVD of "The Brothers Grimm" today (I finally did it). I had been wanting to watch this movie since it was advertised a long time ago, but unfortunately, I missed it. Well, it was nice, but I felt that it is a really twisted fairy tale, as in, all the innocence had been taken out, and all that exist was this psychotic witch. This movie is definitely not suitable for children, despite the "and they lived happily ever after". There was plenty of prediction involved (Do I sound like I am married to my job?), but somehow I felt that it was still just assimilation. Perhaps I am really on the look out for a movie with a completely new plot.

I was about to call it a day when "Alex and Emma" came onto Channel 5. I couldn't resist taking a peak at it (Kate Hudson was in it, who can?). I was so caught up by the witty conversation between the leading man and lady that I was rooted to the television set till 12am! For most of the movie, it was just him and her talking about a story, really simple. I guess sometimes, it is the simple things that makes you feel more appreciative.

Oh, and just for the record, did anyone watched TabTV on Channel 5 just now? They were talking about Private Investigators and their "accomplice" - The HoneyTrappers! They are women who are hired to test out if men are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. They wear alluring dresses and catch the attention of men with their seductive looks. These Honeytrappers really know which buttons to push. Gosh! Now that is what I call accomodation! I think they should make it compulsory for all women to watch it. Hide it from the men though, else they will find a way to get round it.

Same Old Story

I've been reading my friend's blog lately, and I was thought that it was quite an interesting read. Then I read in CLEO that someone else owns a blog so that her friends in other countries can be in touch. It really felt like a good idea! I mean, I got a call from my friend in Paris the other day, and it wasn't our first attempts to contact each other. Our msn lags like crazy, time lag is another big issue, and the fact that there is plenty of interferences in the transmission from Paris to Singapore doesn't help a single bit. So here I am, trying to revive my dying blog (Ok, I know I am long-winded).

I was planning to delete all the old blogs, since they are like REALLY old, but the thing is, I really liked what I wrote! And the funny thing is, I feel that I can really cut and paste my last blog onto this one! I felt exactly how I felt 1 year ago, and that I am in the exact same situation as I was 1 year ago! Of course, the context has changed. I am now in a different school, with new friends and new job scopes, but I guess, if you really dissect the situations, they are pretty much the same. I guess I am boring. I hate changes of any sort.

Seriously, I am supposed to be doing work (just as I was 1 year ago). I have a 3000-word essay due in less than one week and I haven't started at all. Today was supposed to be a "catch-up" day, but all I feel like doing is lazing, watching tv, eating, playing Rocket Mania (I really have to blame my friend for introducing this game to me. I am hooked!), and of course, sleeping. Hmmm... maybe I should cut myself some slack and watch an episode or two of Desperate Housewives.....

I'm a Pisces... and I'm a day-dreamer

Have you ever encountered days where you don't feel like anything? It's like...you are present at work, and is sitting in front of your desk with everything laid out on the table, and you are staring into space, or trying to induce some kind of stupor so that you can convince yourself that you are tired and needs to take a nap? Well, today is one of those days for me.

I have so much on my hands, but yet, I don't have the mood to try to take any of them off. I just feel like relaxing, going shopping, watching TV at home, or even try to come up with some new ideas for a personal project, but I refuse to move my hands to do anything constructive. I mean, its totally ridiculous. I travelled more than 27 km across Singapore to get to school, and when I finally do get there, I sit in front of the computer and waste my time! But then again, I'm pisces and you know what people always say about pisces -- my day-dreaming activities are justified by the fact that I'm a pisces. What a privilege.

In fact, this behavior had been giong on for days, and I kept telling myself that I will behave differently tomorrow. Tomorrow came and tomorrow went, and I am still rooted to the spot. Nevertheless I am still telling myself that I would do something constructive tomorrow. I'd better, else I can forget about getting a decent grade for my FYP!